Chronic Pain is a Bit** to live with
Hello, My name is Marshelle, And i live with Chronic Back pain and Anxiety and depression stemmed from living with chronic pain... I'm 37 yrs old and two yrs ago I was diagnosed with Cervical and Lumbar degenerated disc disease, Spinal stenosis, Facet joint arthritis, I have seven bulging disc throughout my neck and lower back, I have two pinched nerves, I also have two annular tears.. I have Had injections, Physical therapy, I have had a nerve block done, And most recent a disco gram to see how diseased my Discs are.. I used to be a CNA when I was younger, Mind you I haven't worked in the past 10 yrs due to being a stay at home mom to raise my kids myself. I don't know why my back is the way it is.. I don't know why I have to suffer on a daily basis, because I'm literally suffering.. The depression and anxiety come from dealing with the pain for so long is what they tell me.. I take Percocet 10 mg 4x a day, Gabapinten 400 mg 2 capsules 4x a day, Baclofen 20 mg 3x a day, for pain,   Before I got diagnosed I was buying lortab from friends to relieve pain, It got to where I thought i might have a pill problem and that I thought maybe I was manifesting the pain to make an excuse to take the pills, So I stooped taking the pills for 8 months, but the pain never went away.. So i started taking them again and that's when I realized I needed to go to the Dr and figure out what was wrong with me, well that is when I got diagnosed and started going to a Pain clinic.. So that brings me to today, My pain is so bad on a daily basis that it interferes with my life on a daily basis, Its hard to just make my bed, and keep my house clean. I'm a mother of three. My oldest daughter is 18, My middle daughter is 15, and my on is 9.. Most days I try really hard to get the house cleaned and dinner cooked, laundry kept up, so when my fiancee comes home from work he has a clean house to come home to and it makes me feel like he wasn't the only one working that day. I'm OCD when it comes to my house in the first place, I like everything in it's place and I like it spotless.. We have been together going on 22 yrs this January 29th.. He is a hard worker, although I am to, I just don't get paid for what I do.. I applied for disability 2 yrs ago and was turned down twice and then had to go to a hearing in September of 2016. I should know something here soon, I'm praying i get it, because then i will feel like I'm contributing to the household. Please Pray I get it if you are reading this.. Well December has been a hard month for me physically with Christmas, with all the shopping and walking around, wrapping presents, It all is very hard on my back. I had to take more medication and I have made myself short for the first time since I've been prescribed narcotics.. Well i'm freaking out because I'm going to have to go without anything for four days... My anxiety is through the roof..  My house is a mess and I have no energy or motivation to get anything done..  The next week and a half is going to be interesting to say the least.. I know I'm going to go through withdraws and that is gonna suck ass.. I know my body is dependent on this medication, and that sucks.. I know about narcotics and the withdraw process, I went through withdraws the first time i came off the pills myself.. and My biological father is a heroin addict.. So i know addiction runs in my family and that's why i was scared when I was medicating myself.. Well I'm just wanting to tell you a little bit about myself and my history and write it down and get it out, and maybe I can get some feedback, opinions, advice... Ill be back on in a few more days and let you know how my days are going and tell you what I do on a daily basis and how I feel